Getting to Know My True Self
Jeanette Wetherell (Stony Brook University)
A professor I had began her Japanese Buddhism class by asking the question “What is the self?” As
we went around the room sharing what we thought, I heard things like “student,” “mother,” “daughter,”
“son” and “friend.” Some said their name and listed characteristics, while others just shrugged their
shoulders. I personally thought; “I am a yoga teacher and student.” I said this because I was so proud of
that recent accomplishment and because yoga was something that defined me at the time. Little did I know,
my professor was eluding to something much greater than the color of our skin, or the characteristics we
define ourselves by.

As a child, one of the most profound memories I have is sitting with my mother, in a space we
dedicated to meditation, holding our “energy” stones, devoid of dialogue, just meditating. We did this for so
many years. However, as I grew older, I lost this sacred practice. I became preoccupied with my friends,
how I dressed, what my hair looked like and following the latest trends in order to fit in. Like so many of
us, I became consumed with the phenomenal world we live in.

I found yoga when I was 17. I started this journey as a way to deal with the never-ending pain I
suffered from due to an autoimmune condition. Stretching and strengthening my body was a form of
healing. My yogic asanas began to flourish. Before I knew it, I was able to stand on my head, balance on
my forearms and twist myself into positions others can’t even dream of. Yoga was my favorite form of
exercise, and I would even go as far as to say that yoga saved my life. However, something was missing
and I felt an emptiness because of it. That something was meditation.

During my yoga teacher training, meditation was introduced marginally, but there is only so much that
practiced in 200 hours. So, I was encouraged to pursue meditation on my own. I was given all the tools, and
told exactly what to do: “Find a comfortable seat, sit up straight, breath in this manner, quiet the mind and
it will come.” All this valuable information was given to me, yet I still could not quiet my mind. Until I
studied Buddhism.

Throughout the semester of Japanese Buddhism, we studied Zen and Pure Land Buddhism. We
learned concepts such as Zazen, Nembutsu, Tariki and Shinjin and heard stories of Buddhist monks
reaching enlightenment. The concepts, beliefs and traditions of Japanese Buddhism struck my interest.

Something about this religious practice intrigued me unlike anything else I have ever studied
It wasn’t until the end of the course that I understood the intention of my professors’ question. She
didn’t want to know about our favorite foods, the music we listened to or even what religion we practiced.

Her intention was to deepen our understanding of our true self. Nothing is permanent, so there is no
purpose in being attached to anything I have. I am not the job I do or the car I drive. The body I inhabit is a
part of the phenomenal world, but I exist otherwise. What I truly am is something I have only experienced
glimpses of in my savasana after a 60-minute asana practice. My true self was something that I did not have
access to.

While yoga introduced the impermanence of this life to me, the study of Japanese Buddhism
solidified it. Because of this realization, I began to meditate. At first, for just five minutes every few days.

Then, for twenty minutes here and there, until it became a part of my daily life. The benefits I have gained
are immeasurable. I see things in a new light. I understand this existence in a profound way. While I do not
know if I will attain enlightenment in this lifetime or any future life, meditation has brought me closer to
understanding my true self. I do not pretend to be a Buddhist or to understand all there is to know about
Japanese Buddhism, however, I cannot deny the impact it has had on my life. Buddhism is the reason I am
beginning to understand what I truly am and what my purpose is. I consider this the greatest gift.

My yoga teachers were right when they told me “It will come, if you practice” I just needed to find
the motivation. This life-changing course on Japanese Buddhism was my motivation.

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